| Areola Bold Find a hidden porn collection in the fonts folder. |
| Voices From Beyond The Grave Have a user call or email you because their password doesn’t work. Because they’ve been fired and not told yet. |
| Arise, Serpentor, Arise! Recover data from non backup sources |
| Blindly Forward! Successfully solve an issue on a production system without having any factual basis for doing it. |
| Deal With It Tell 50 users that you’re unable to fix their problem because you’re genuinely powerless to do so. |
| Denied! Restrict a user’s IP address from accessing the internet. |
| Fight Fire With Fire Respond to a ticket with an answer as vague as the described problem. |
| Hell Is Other People Resist killing your fellow employees. |
| Hypochondriac Fix a user’s computer that has no problem whatosoever. |
| Incorrect Answer Warn of impending resource limit. Get a reply that is has not been budgeted for. |
| Insanity Do the same over and over expecting something different..and it works. |
| It Doesn’t Work! Get a ticket that says an app/server is down, but not which one. |
| Just This Once… Have a one time task turn into a weekly job. |
| Line Cutter User calls as soon as they submit a ticket. |
| Loud But Harmless Strategically use datacenter noise and airflow to pass gas without anyone else knowing…except the guys watching the security cams. |
| Love, Sex, Secret and God Correctly guess a user’s password without them telling you or giving hints |
| Making A Statement Disconnect more than 500 users at o nce with a single command. |
| No Relation Discover a production database with no foreign keys. |
| One More Thing Get a ticket to fix a problem after 4:30 on a Friday |
| Please Hold Listen to 1000 minutes of hold music |
| Politics Find out there is no plan to move to newer equipment because of a firm investment in the past |
| Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again? Close 50 tickets simply by having the user reboot |
| Reverse Logic Ignore the needs of the many to focus on the needs of a C level exec |
| Schrodingers Email Receive a support email containing the phrase: Please call me if you don’t get this email |
| By Stallmans Foot Refuse to touch a PC due to the user’s lack of personal hygiene. |
| Stars Are Aligned Successfully restore from a tape backup |
| Tag Assign a ticket back to the person who assigned it to you |
| Thats Odd! Watch Tony do the wrong thing 1000 times |
| The Gift Solve a problem by just touching the affected computer |
| The Networks Down Turns out it’s not |
| Theres A Problem With the Firewall No issues with the firewall |
| There She Is Point out an error in someone’s code within 5 seconds after they spent all morning troubleshooting |
| The Secret Give them only what they need, not what they want |
| Tube Blockage Increase internet speed by blocking access to only one website |
| Upload The Microsoft Spend at least 5 minutes deciphering what a user actually needs help with |
| WAH Receive 10 calls from users working at home, who want you to help troubleshoot their home PCs |
| Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Find a repeatable solution to a problem that makes no damn sense. |
| You’re Already Dead Get a ticket to remove a user’s access effective immediately |
| You’ve Got Mail! Get an email asking if the user’s email is working. |
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